In The Moment We're Lost and Found
by foreverchasingthedream
Summary: Carla and Peter reminisce over their baby girl.
**In this Peter and Tina never happened but Carla and Peter still lost their baby. I hope you enjoy this, all of your reviews are greatly appreciated! :)**

 **Wings ~ Birdy**

 _Sunlight comes creeping in_  
 _Illuminates our skin_

The light is blinding. Maybe that's you baby girl, your rays of light shining down on us. You gave us a reason, a hope, a need to continue our journey.

Without you there is no light. All I feel is cold, all I see is darkness. Without you the world is a little duller and a little less hopeful.

 _We watch the day go by_  
 _Stories of all we did_

A year ago today you were due to enter our lives. The day we had looked forward to for 5 whole months. 5 months where you were tucked away safely inside me, where I could protect you and only begin to show all of the love I had for you.

We watched the sun rise today over the sea. It was so beautiful just as you were baby girl. We took in the moment and cried together. Cried for all we could have had and for all we lost.

We sat as the sun appeared. We shared the plans we had for you. Mummy was going to paint your nails, plait your hair and kiss your knees better when you grazed them. Daddy was going to help you climb trees, show you the world and warn off all the boys that would chase after you.

 _It made me think of you_  
 _It made me think of you_

The day you entered our lives you filled a space in our hearts that we didn't even know was empty.

The day you left our lives left us with in irreplaceable emptiness.

There is a hole in all we do. A hole where your cot would have been, where your car seat should be placed, where your hand could've held ours as we swung you through the park.

 _Under a trillion stars_  
 _We danced on top of cars_  
 _Took pictures of the stage_  
 _So far from where we are_

Today we are a million miles away from where we should be. We should be waking up to your beautiful smile ready to celebrate your first birthday. We should be reminiscing over the fact that we'd had a year with you, a year since your tiny fingers wrapped around our hands for what should have been the first of many times. The hands that would make mistakes but the hands that would never leave you.

Mummy wanted to stay at home today to be near you but daddy insisted we get away. We haven't left you behind baby girl. You're with us wherever we go. Whatever paths of lives take.

Nothing will ever take you away from us, no matter how far and how wide we travel.

 _Oh lights go down_  
 _In the moment we're lost and found_

We walked aimlessly all day. Never letting go of one another's hand, holding on as though our lives depended on it. Our touch sharing so many more emotions than any words we could express today.

As the day drew to an end we took a moment to appreciate our lives.

The day I found out I was carrying you I was so lost, so out of my depth. On the day I lost you I'd never felt so lost or empty, drowning in grief.

But in having you I have found myself. I have found a part of me that I didn't know was missing and that piece has almost completed me.

 _I just wanna be by your side_  
 _If these wings could fly_

There is nothing we wouldn't do to have you back, our beautiful baby. Mummy would forsake her shoe collection and never step in Harvey Nicks again. Daddy would ditch the fags and get to the gym so that he could run around after you and play hide and seek.

I wish we could hold you again princess. Those hours that we just held you in our arms, you looked so peaceful. We traced our fingers over your tiny little nose and over your silky smooth cheeks.

You were just too tiny and not ready for this world. Or maybe the world wasn't ready for you and what you were ready to bring.

We're sure you'd have caused us no end of problems, all your teenage strops but it's nothing we couldn't have handled.

 _Oh damn these walls_  
 _In the moment we're ten feet tall_

Those four hospital walls were the ones that changed our lives. Those walls allowed you to be held in our arms, for us to become a family.

A family. The four of us; mummy, daddy, Simon and you, Lucy Hayley Barlow.

 _And how you told me after it all_  
 _We'd remember tonight_  
 _For the rest of our lives_

We will never forget the morning you entered our lives.

Lucy Hayley Barlow.

Your name symbolised how special you are to us. Lucy, after Simons mummy. She was a very special lady who gave our lives a handsome, clever young man. Hayley, mummy's best friend. Another very special lady who taught mummy so many lessons and that we are all special in our own ways.

You've got two very special ladies up there baby girl who will look after you just as mummy and daddy would want them to.

 _My thoughts they slip away_  
 _My words are leaving me_  
 _They caught an aeroplane_  
 _Because I thought of you_  
 _Just from the thought of you_

Whenever I think of you baby I freeze. You take over my mind. Your touch, your smell. It stops me in my tracks.

It's as though something takes over my mind and you're all I can see. My words can't formulate. All I can do it remember you, the way you felt tucked away in my arms. Your skin still warm, the only memory we had of you living.

We keep your photograph kept tucked away. In a place where only we know.

We've caught Simon with it in his arms, crying his eyes out. He'd have made an amazing big brother. He'd have protected you to within an inch of his life. Mummy can tell that he gets that from his daddy. Not a bad bone in his body.

 _In the moment we're lost and found_

Baby girl. Never will a day go by when we don't think about you, don't wish you were here with us, but never will a day go by when we aren't grateful that you came into our lives and changed us, created our family.

We've got some news for you baby girl. Some news that we wanted to share with you first. The baby growing in mummy's tummy is your baby brother. Yesterday we found out that 'baby' was a he. He will be the piece that completes our family of 5.

We want you to know that just because we're having another baby, we'll never forget you. He'll always be baby number 2. We will tell him all about you, take him to visit your special place. We'll fulfill all the wishes we had for you with him, you in our memory.

We hope you're proud of us baby girl. We're so proud and thankful for you. Our beautiful Lucy Hayley Barlow.

Sleep tight angel.

Mummy and Daddy x

 _And how you told me after it all_  
 _We'd remember tonight_  
 _For the rest of our lives._


End file.
